I have no plans for you, my son
It's true. I have no plan for you or you life. I just have values I choose to live by and God willing, may they be instilled in you if it's in your highest good. (Plus audio diary for subscribers)
I have no plans to send you to “the best school”
I don’t really have plans for your school at all.
I suppose I flirt with the possibility of a forest school or a Waldorf school, maybe even homeschooling… maybe something else altogether.
Ultimately though, time, circumstance and your unfolding nature will tell.
I have no plans for you to go to college or to become a “success”.
I can’t possibly know what “success” will mean to you, a man-becoming who today is just a 14 month old boy.
I have no plans for you to live a life that pleases me or fulfills my own unfulfilled childhood dreams.
I have no plans to “know” what I’m doing or how to “be a mother”
I have no plans to slave away to provide you with all the opportunities in the world - no, I have no plan to be your God. Life, in and of itself is filled with synchronicity and opportunity and none of it requires working for.
I have no plan to ensure you’re literate by “school age” for I know you will indicate your readiness to read the same way you’ve indicated your readiness to eat solids, or walk or run or climb or dance or drink from a cup.
I have no plans to follow a vaccine schedule or to care about developmental milestones (even though I half trained as a paediatric speech pathologist at university).
I have no plans to stop traveling or living my life when you “start school”
I have no plans to pretend I know what’s best for you once we move beyond the motherbaby dyad.
My son, I choose to live by certain values and I believe part of the reason you chose me to be your mother is because of this. So, here are some of the key values I vow to honour you with and may they influence you in a meaningful way
Curiosity
I will be ever curious about who you are, and what your spirit yearns to express.
Support
In whichever way feels most honest and authentic to my soul, I will use my gifts and nature to support you. I will do the work of untangling the family karma that unconsciously keeps me from receiving support.
Unconditional Love
I love you, my son. Period. You are here, you are Divine, you are love. I will do my best to catch any conditional programming that itches to leak from my unconscious wounds. I do not want to say “I love you because you’re clever, capable, handsome, do as I say, agree with me and don’t have tantrums and sleep perfectly throughout the night.” I am human and I have likes and preference and they are allowed to be present but never at the cost or withdrawal of my love for you. I felt disappointed that time you broke my favorite mug but boy oh boy do I love you. And also, thank you for being my teacher and reminding me of the truth of impermanence and attachment. Thank you for helping me access more freedom in which my spirit can unabashedly dance.
Listening
I will give you my full attention when you need me and when I can be there - I will do my best to listen to your body language, your tone, your words, and your energy. I will do my best to listen so I can understand the complexity of your uniqueness because I love you so. I will also do my best to catch the times I’m listening to respond because there’s a part of me that loves to feel useful as your mum.
Trust
I deeply value trust. I choose to trust life and therefore you. You are a divine creation and while you grew inside me and passed through me to arrive here - a journey I trusted implicitly, it will be no different as you grow. Your path is already perfect for you and I will love you every step of the way! You get to misstep, you get to rise and fall. You get to live, my boy. All of it is in service to your soul’s highest expression; all of it is an opportunity to learn and grow as the human you are. All of it is love. Life doesn’t judge or discriminate, just my human mind. I’ll be sure to keep it in check as you live boldly as you. I will always encourage you to trust yourself.
Resilience
Already you seem to be a master at this. You get knocked down and you get straight back up. You are the embodiment of not sweating obstacles or challenges or tumbles or misfortunes. The dogs knock you straight on your butt and you just laugh. Forever more may we cultivate humour for when life knocks us sideways - knowing it isn’t personal and that we are not victims of change or life’s inevitable happenings. Even if we really get taken for a tumble, there is no shame in licking our wounds and regrouping before stepping out into the world again. You get to be hurt, you get to feel how that feels and you get to access your courage and heart and come face-to-face with life again and again and again. I will be the biggest believer in you especially if you’re having a hard time believing in yourself.
Sovereignty
We must take radical responsibility for this one, miraculous life of ours. We must be in ownership of our life; our thoughts, our actions, our beliefs, our opinions, our mindset and worldview. You are sovereign. You cannot be controlled or manipulated by anyone else so long as you are stood firmly in the knowledge of who you are - a child of the cosmos; the kin of God. You are as unique and spectacular as the stars and as ordinary as them too. You need only to tune into the truth of your heart and spirit, to be discerning and questioning of anything you’re told to be truth. Your experience of what is real and true can only ever come from your experience and nobody else’s. To be a sovereign being is to be counter culture these days - it’s even considered dangerous by some. Most people are afraid of discovering the potential of their power which is why they prefer to be told what to do and not take responsibility for themselves or their life. If we ourselves do not shepherd (because not all of us are supposed to) then we must choose our shepherd wisely. Only here does true freedom lie. Only here can we access Truth.
Below the paywall is a 20m minute audio sharing some of my personal struggles around resting and finding balance in new motherhood while also dissecting why choosing rest as mothers and women is essential in bringing forth the magic of the feminine.
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With love, Nikki x