Needing silence, going inward, many feelings to feel
Pausing paid subscriptions for foreseeable future
I haven’t had an urge to share anything on here for almost a month now. On top of that, in truth, I am feeling a lack of confidence in sharing anything at all. My tank is empty and I have so much to feel before I can be clear and confident in using my voice to express anything worth sharing again. This online world is noisy enough as it is. It certainly doesn’t need my forced attempt to honour a commitment to weekly posts on Substack.
Personally, I’m going through a complete annihilation of ‘Self’ (or rather a continued annihilation of self) all while re-orienting to what feels real and true for me in this world - allowing the transformation that is Motherhood to have it’s way with me and hopefully inspire the initiation of a new matriarchy, a new way to understand and embody the feminine principles. What once mattered to me no longer matters to me, my former delusions have become clear, where I was once co-dependently relating to the world, I no longer am. To exist in the uncertainty and unfamiliarity of this current space where I’m being asked to tune out the noise and really listen demands a deepening of the embodiment of one of the core feminine principles - Trust.
These feminine principles are sorely lacking in our current society and are also eager to be born into a new paradigm - those of us willing to turn away from the mainstream, away from social media, and toward our hearts are likely the vessels for a new way of being which honours Mother, Child, Life, Nature, Love and Harmony above consumerism, materialism and proving worth or value through productivity and constant “creation”.
It’s a time for us to be humbled by life’s vastness outside of little squares on little screens - oh how we’ve imprisoned our potential for experience and creation. Newness, newness, newness is longing to be realized and born.
It’s time for me to go, I scramble writing this between cleaning up pee on the floor, squished blueberries on my pants and tending to my son’s needs.
Until the next urge strikes, be well, be you, be here.
Love,
Nikki x
If you wish to remain connected or in conversation during my hiatus - please email me at nikki@nikkijae.net if we are not already personally connected on WhatsApp. I would love to hear from you.