The shifting sands of friendship during Motherhood and Womanhood
And how we naturally move away from victim consciousness the more we embody sovereignty (plus a poem and audio diary)
I suspect it’s a phenomenon many of us can relate to; that is, the experience of actively embodying a new frequency of being (perhaps you’re clearer on asserting your boundaries, have honed your bullshit detector or no longer play into co-dependent dramas for example) and then what happens? Well, people who were once key characters in your play exit stage left. Perhaps they mysteriously fall off the radar or if they’re a firecracker, maybe they blow up at you in some defensive tirade or attempt to lure you back into the the old drama that kept the connection alive. But you’re cool as a cucumber (sure, you may have feelings and grieve the change in the relationship) but you’ve become a new version of you, you can not unsee the old, dysfunctional way of relating, or perhaps you are just unwilling to be anything but your authentic self and nothing inside of you feels inspired to remain connected to certain folks that were once key players in your life.
Frequency matches frequency. That which we embody and inhabit is reflected around us. Look around your life right now, what do you see? Playfulness? Levity? Joy? Creativity? Or perhaps Doubt? Drama? Anger? Misfortune? Perhaps even a combination of seamingly opposing energies.
As above, so below.
As we shift the lens through which we view life and the world to one of sovereignty, of taking radical responsibility for our thoughts, actions, words and way of being, then anything that is not on the trajectory of this frequency will fall away, or at the very least be a little clunky as you transition to this fresh version of you.
For me, new motherhood has been an extraordinary and exquisite season of change. Life has invited me to elevate my standards, values and priorities in ways I could never have anticipated. A more authentic version of me continues to unravel and it’s meant grieving some of my former friendships. I admit, I have been a little surprised by who has fallen by the wayside and this has made me all the more grateful for the hearts that have come along with me in this iteration of life.
In this week’s audio diary, I talk about why I no longer refer to or attach to this notion or concept of “friendship” and instead see all interactions as an experience of relating. How the consciousness with which I relate tends to either magnetize more of the same or highlight the stark contrast of energy that’s being engaged. How a recent “friendship” fallout has invited me ever more to catch all the ways in which I might be flippant with language, thought or action because a subconscious belief of victimhood is still operating in my system.
Humanity is collectivity healing the wound of the 55th gate in Human Design (or 55th Gene Key) - this is the energy of victimization. We will not arrive at Freedom or emotional maturity until we willingly take full responsibility for ourselves; our thoughts, beliefs, words, actions and way of being.
I look forward to riffing more on this in a future audio diary, but for now, I share personally from the experience of motherhood and womanhood and how the sincere embodiment of these archetypes (albeit, in the form of my unique, soul expression) impacts the way friendship manifests in my life and how that feels in my heart.
I will allow the shifting sands of friendship to erode the illusions of life that keep Truth and Love at bay.
A poem for you: ‘how growing feels sometimes’
Sometimes transformation is visceral
Like a triggered anti-personnel mine
Undulating outwards from your core
Creating a mushroom cloud
Of over-told stories
Expelled through the shedding of olden skin
Peeling your eyes open
To the iridescence
Of your truth
In an instant
And other times it’s unhurried
Like the tide
gently guided by the moon
To a kismet moment
validated
upon looking back
At lines
Etched in the sand
Revealing progress
carried by the momentum of something greater
And inexplicably more profound than the depths of all oceans combined.
A power that lies not in the pace
But in the inevitability
That each moment gives birth to death
And so, a chance to see.
Below, you will find access to this week’s 37minute audio diary. The paywall serves as a golden boundary for everything I share so that it remains protected and is circulated with the community of recipients its designed for - the mavericks, the renegades, the matriarchs. If you genuinely cannot afford the subscription fee, contact me directly and I will give you access. Thank you for being here and supporting my nature in this way.
With love, Nikki x